I feel that I need to delve a little deeper into this issue. I’ve talked about it before but to my new readers I’d like to explain it in more detail.
Most of my posts on this blog are relationship-geared, because that’s what I’m looking for. Which is why I tend to diss the Frenchmen who try to chat me up in the street. Because they really are only after one thing, after they buy you a coffee of course.
So how does it go down with this kind of Frenchman offering casual sex? Here’s an example:
You’re walking down the street, looking fabulous, and a random guy says something to you.
Him: You’re really beautiful. Can I buy you a coffee?
Me: That’s really sweet. But I’ve got a boyfriend. Have a good day.
And you walk away.
Of course, it doesn’t have to go that way. It could go like this:
You’re walking down the street, looking fabulous, and a random guy says something to you.
Him: You’re really beautiful. Can I buy you a coffee?
Me: I’d love that!
You guys go for coffee, he sweet talks you, he tries to get in your pants if not that day, in the next few days. If you have sex with him, you will then probably never hear from him again.
Now, there are exceptions to this rule. But in general, if a Frenchman is chatting people up in the street it’s because they are out looking for sex. End of story.
So how to know if a Frenchman is looking for a relationship… Well, Frenchmen love being in a relationship. Thing is, they love it so much, that most of them are already in them. When I take the metro or bus in Paris, it’s surprising how many young Frenchmen are sporting wedding rings. This does not mean they’re not having affairs of course.
But I digress.
In a nutshell, you meet relationship material Frenchmen through get-togethers, at parties, over drinks, through your circle of friends. They are not random Frenchmen. But rather Frenchmen you might have seen and chatted with before. Then one day, you’ll chat some more, you guys will feel a connection, he will kiss you and BAM! an instant relationship is born.
So you see, there are two types of guys. Trust me, you can tell them apart very easily. The sleazeballs that come onto you in the street will have the alarm bells going off in your head in no time. Which leaves you with the instant relationship guys.
Which brings me to my next post which I’ve been promising for the last week: How to turn your instant relationship horny Frenchman into your boyfriend in your sense of the word.
If this topic is not clear, don’t hesitate to leave me a comment!
Bises,
Datea x
12 Comments
So you meet the potential boyfriends at parties, get-together and so.. but, for me, that would be really hard. I am moving to Paris soon to work as an au-pair for one year (after this, I am planning to work as an au-pair one year more, or maybe move there). So while I am there, I would love to meeting a man that could be the love of my life haha, I just love frenchmen. So, since I don't know anyone there, how can I evev meet potential friends? How did you do? Or did you have friends in Paris before you moved there? 🙂
That is a great question. If I were you I would find a French conversation class to attend a couple of times a week. This will get you meeting other young people like you. And then any time they organize a get-together or party, always say yes! Of course, they will be expats also, but this is a great way to make friends, and then you'll meet their friends and maybe even a Frenchman you might take a liking to.
You could also join a hiking group, a photography group or something like that. Check out meetup.com for ideas. If you're au-pairing, I'm guessing you're quite young, so you'll definitely make friends through these groups pretty easily.
As for me, I already had a few friends when I got here. And I made new friends through work as well. As you'll see in this post from last year, it wasn't always easy: http://dateafrenchman.blogspot.fr/2011/09/coffee-hit.html
Let me know when you get here!
I find it quite fun when frenchmen comes up to me to talk or invite me to take a coffee or a drink, though not all the time of course haha! A few years ago, it was my first trip to Paris, I was sitting outside a store in Porte de la Chapelle, waiting for some friends. Then a drunk creepy frenchman says something to me with a real loud voice. At that time I had only studied french for a year, so I couldn't understand what he said or wanted. So we talked for maybe a minute or two, then he kisses my hand and leaves, goes to talk to a friend maybe 10 meters away, they both point their fingers at me and talking about me. I was so scared that I almost ran away and called my friends..
Anyway, the same day, there was this nice guy on the metro who offered me his seat, so the stood up in front of me and was really staring at me the whole time until I got off. I found that both cute and disturbing. Cause in my culture, it is really rude to stare haha.
So, I find the french being a bit wierd but still cute when they come up to me to talk or offering me their seat on the metro etc. I just can't stand people who stare or point fingers, makes me feel uneasy haha.
Wow, those are quite the stories! Weird and cute huh… I guess it can be nice, flattering even. I walked a block with a Frenchman last week. He asked me for coffee and I said I was in a rush. But he walked a block with him anyway. During which time he tried to convince me to give him my number. So I said I had a boyfriend – a great way to get rid of a guy. He kissed my hand and said he was one luck guy! So yeah, I see where you're coming from. Just be careful. Enjoy the cuteness and keep these interactions short so they don't go the weird way!
Hey there
Just wanted to quickly write and tell you I just found the blog and like a madwoman read the lot of it.
I am in a state of confusion over a French guy I work with – mainly because it's hard to determine if it's work-friendly or hey-I-actually-want-to-sleep-with-you-friendly. Your blog has given me a lot to consider, but honestly I feel kind of more confused now than ever about how he behaves!
I think it's great how you are able to just move on. I mean, I've liked this guy for about a year and I just can't quite seem to shake it.
Thanks for the awesome blog and stories though.
xx
Hi there and thanks for reading my blog!
I would love to know more about your story… How is this French guy making you feel that he's being more than just friendly? I whole post could be dedicated to this topic.
Oh, I'm not that great at moving on believe me. Maybe it sounds like I am in my blog, but there's been a couple of guys that I've pined for quite some time, to no avail. So I can relate.
Come back soon.
xo
Hmm, well, I started to write some examples but seeing it laid out suddenly felt a little like 'THERE'S your answer – you're reading too much into it, you idiot! Calm yo'self down!' But here's a few things I started to write though, see what you think.
We have largely been amiable co-workers for the past year, with me always, always initiating the conversation. Never met a guy so shy and quiet in my life. It all started with him carrying my heavy bag for me, and as a strong independent woman (!) of the times, I'd never had a guy do that before so it got my attention. As I said things fell into normal small-talk office chitchat, up until about a month ago where suddenly he started initiating conversation, teasing me when I wore something different in to work, and playful taps on the shoulder out of the blue as he passed on his way to wherever. He also gave me his number and invited me to his birthday drinks at his place which I couldn't go to, and suggesting we eat lunch in the park instead of heading back to the office. And of course, that unflinching eye contact (seriously how do they DO that?)
But then there are small things that make me go 'um yeah, you need to get over it', like when we go for drinks in a group he largely ignores me, I don't often catch him looking my way, and he seems to open up conversation wise a lot with this other girl we work with.
So there's my tale of self-pitying woe! Argh, I hate how typical GIRL this makes me appear. I swear I'm actually very level-headed about everything else.
Thanks for the venting if nothing else! xx
Hi there. The sudden switch in his behaviour with you a month ago makes me think that he's interested in you. Obviously that doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend at home. But then why is he ignoring you and talking to this other girl when you go out for drinks? Maybe he likes her too…
My humble advice is this: don't hold your breath. If he really liked you he'd ask you out. Plain and simple. He's not, so you have your answer. You can continue hanging out with him at the office but just don't take it too seriously and don't always be available for lunch in the park. You never know, it may have an adverse effect and make him more interested. That would just be typical.
Are you in Paris btw?
No, London.
Thanks for the advice, it's very good and I agree. Might have to give up on this one – but of course, everything is easier to say than to do, isn't it?
xx
When's the next post coming?! 🙂
Sorry! I was away a few days. New post to come tomorrow, promise!
Your content is shows potential, m gona add this to my bookmarks.
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