Bon, comment dire…
Even if you’re a fairly liberated anglo, the stuff a Frenchman has done sexually, especially if he’s your Frenchman, can be a bit hard to swallow (excuse the pun).
I don’t consider myself “coincée” but at the same my cultural roots are well and truly English. Conversations about sex were taboo in our household growing up. That doesn’t mean that I’m a prude. But it does mean that my initial gut reaction to such things can be: What the fuck!
For example, finding out that your Frenchman had a threesome with a fuck buddy and one of his guy friends is one of those What the fuck moments. Finding out that your Frenchman had a whole roster of fuck buddies is another of those What the fuck moments. Finding out that your Frenchman used to do a wam bam thank you mam in cheap nasty motels is another of those What the fuck moments. And so and so forth.
Thankfully, with me, once my gut reaction has done its thing, my rational side kicks in. Because yes, all right, fine, after my divorce, I did a whole bunch of stuff myself. Things I can’t really remember that well because, well, I was inebriated most of the time. I needed to feel sexually desired again. I needed to feel that men wanted me. I needed to push the boundaries. It was a transitional phase that I needed to go through. To get where I am today – back to myself.
And so… if a Frenchman you’re seeing went through a similar bad divorce, and tells you about a whole bunch of What the fuck stuff that he did to feel desired again, then okay, take a deep breath and suck it up. It’s not in my nature, but I need to NOT freak out and take a moment to think. I am not a saint, so why should he be, right?
With my Frenchman and I, our transitional phases appear to be quite similar. Although mine is tamer than his for sure. The thing is, I know more about his than mine. Because he likes to share whereas I don’t really feel the need. The few times I have shared, however, he doesn’t really like it. His gut reaction is a What the fuck moment. Well, what do you know… I think he prefers to think that I was a virgin before I met him.
And so we’ve come full circle:
No one, be it a man or a woman, really likes to hear about their partner’s sexual past. Especially if you’re in love with that person. But here’s the thing: everyone has a past. And to really get to know someone you need to know their past. And to do that, you can’t censor yourself, you can’t edit out the parts that you think might be shocking. On the contrary, there needs to be full disclosure. Because starting off a relationship with lies and hiding the truth is not exactly a great way to start out.
So, deep breath. If you’re dating a Frenchman, he may well have been a bit of a slut. Deal with it.
What matters is you and him from this point forward. Period. Point à la ligne. Trust and honesty are the building blocks for what comes next…
And if you’re still wavering, remember this: if your Frenchman wanted to be with any of those crazy ass French bitches he had sex with before he met you, he would be. But he’s not. He’s choosing to be with YOU. He’s choosing to have a relationship with YOU. Which gives him the right to a clean slate.
It’s kinda corny, but the future is waiting to be written. So write it.