The value of a Frenchman’s words

I came across your blog and it I love it. It's funny and nice to hear some personal insight. I have never done this before but was actually going to ask for some insight because I have been confused by “my” own Frenchmen as well. I saw your latest post and it is exactly what I'm going through.

We met in the states and it was his first time here. He was constantly texting me while he was here and when we went on a date it was beautiful and perfect (no exaggeration). I know they are romantic but he seemed genuinely concerned that I wasn't going to talk to him when he goes back to France. He was also always on me about not “showing him enough attention” when we were around our friends. It seemed that he was really into me, just like I am into him.

Before he left we met up and hung out with our friends one last time and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew it seemed surreal and silly but we had been talking about it a lot and he was the one who initiated that it was not possible and he really wanted to make this work. I said yes, but ever since he had been back, we were romantic for a few weeks before he became extremely busy.

I do know he has a lot to do but I also believe if a guy truly likes you he would make time to talk to you constantly. We do talk time to time and when we do he has been his cute self.. until recently when it has seemed short.

I am actually currently in Europe visiting friends and family and he knows that and wants me to come visit. He seemed eager but at the same time appears to be wishy washy. I know he has seen my texts, but fails to respond often now (he used to be a crybaby when I don't respond within 2 minutes). But then he just apologizes for being so busy (he's on vacation now) and we chat then he disappears again. I am so confused.

I apologize for such a long comment, but I have been scratching my head about this issue for a while now, and seeing your blog gives me some sense of hope that perhaps that you could possibly finally shed some light on this dilemma. I think I have the answer laid out right in front of me, but at the same time I would appreciate any advice!

@ Anonymous #1: It's okay, we talked it through and he understood I need a little more contact. But not before I completely blew up. There's a post coming up about that…

@ Anonymous #2: Thanks for loving my blog! And thanks for your comment! It seems like your Frenchman did everything right while he was with you in the States. He was romantic, said and did all the right things. He hooked you, which put him in a position of strength…

But did he follow through? That's what matters: what happens after.

My Frenchman was away for 2 weeks. I knew he was coming back. Your man lives across the Atlantic ocean and as yet you guys have no plans to see each other in the near future. So to keep it alive he needs to be contact. It's a plain necessity, or it dies. Yes, if a guy likes you, he finds the time to call. Although “constantly” is too much. Guys don't need to be in constant contact to maintain their love. I learned that the hard way.

The fact that he is wishy washy about you visiting him now that you're in Europe doesn't bode well. Did you put too much pressure on him? Remember, Frenchmen are all about spontaneous meet ups and taking the lead. But hey, I hear you, you flew in from the States God damn it, you didn't take the bus down the road!

My advice to you is to lay off. Stop sending the texts. You might be coming on too strong. Give him a few days to wonder where you've disappeared to. He may well send you a text and suggest a meet up. But…. sorry, if you don't hear from him, you have your answer: he's not interested. At least you'll know.

Good luck. Come back and tell me what happened.

Hello again,

Frenchman are indeed great at wooing. And because they don't date, they jump into instant relationships… that sometimes have a very short life span. Go figure. Which is why they should date! Big cultural difference.

Guys don't directly say they're not interested because well, it's too hard for them. Instead they do a disappearing act. Because then they don't have to explain and talk about their feelings and all that stuff they hate. Frenchmen may be blunt in other aspects of their lives but not for this hard stuff.

As for you, I don't where you fit in all this. My advice still stands. Withdraw. Stop texting. And see if he comes after you.

But be ready to move on, just in case.

Hello,

You're right. I played the disappearing act and so has he. I think somewhere in my mind I just believed in a fairy tale. It's time to move on!

I just read your most recent entry, and I really hope everything works out for you! Love your blog.

Aye, Frenchmen…. Or should I say men in general…

my situation is…a little more complicated. We're in a distant romance (I don't know whether I should call this relationship). We met on a site, he added my FB, for the first few months we didn't talk because I didn't give a damn care and he was busy with traveling too. Then when he came back and settled down in Paris where he's going to grad school (he's in his late 20s), he started to express his desire to get to know me better and we chat. At first he was so interested that he insisted me to chat with him even when he's in class , of course I said no. (different time zones make it really hard to catch up). Then I start to fall for him. Yes, and he spilled out those three magical words already, even saying that he wished I could be his wife one day.

Then he rarely showed up on chat, even during the weekend because of school works as he said. At first I didn't complain because I know how delicate this online dating was, and he's totally entitled of space and his own priorities (though deep down I just wanted me to be his priority). I chose to change my sleeping routine instead, waking up so early so I could catch up with him when he's home at night. But the problem was he had to study crazily in the library almost every night and only came home when exhausted and slept. The rest, which is very few, he came home about his 8 (I was still sleeping), sent me a message asking if I was there. When I woke up, about his 9:45, he was already gone, sleeping or doing anything I don't know. (but seriously, sleeping at 9:45). I still tried to stay cool but this pattern was repeating for weeks. When I was so mad and ask whether I suffocated him, he apologized, explained that he had problem accessing the internet these days and begged me to trust him. But this continued to happen and finally I couldn't hold it anymore, I said if the situation could not change, I'd rather be his friend and ask if he wanted to talk once about all of this. He said he was so upset about the word “friend” and wanted to talk, but only when he had time (he is having finals now).
I waited for the talk for two weeks, and during these two weeks, things was even worse. He didn't even drop me a message a day like he did before. But then he asked for my phone number so he can text me. For one moment I thought that things is getting better, he would not have any problem with the internet anymore. But he only text me once, I text him back asking very nicely that I only needed him to tell me when he would be available for the talk, during Christmas or New Year holidays fine, I just needed him to confirm so I wouldn't have to wait like this anymore. But he's never replied.
I am really confused and somehow…angry right now. I wasn't begging for anything, I was always ready to move on, he was the one kept asking me to stay. And why ask for the phone number when he's clearly not want to communicate. Right now I really don't know whether it's because I still love him (yeah I did) or because I just wanna find out what is happening so I cannot get this out of my head.

OMG I hate Frenchmen.