Here’s a post I wrote last September. I never actually published it, it’s just been lingering in my drafts all this time. I thought it was relevant now so I’d like to share it. It’s strange to me that even 3 months in, I didn’t always seem that happy. And yet I still stayed with this guy. I was in love, and weak. It made me feel sad when I re-read it. And stupid.
Here it is:
I think it’s when the innocence is lost. When the honey moon period has come to an end and you start to see things the way they are. Maybe things that you didn’t really notice before are brought into the forefront. Maybe it’s the feeling that you’re taken for granted, maybe it’s the feeling that you’re not particularly attractive to your mate, maybe it’s the feeling that you’re just not fitting the mould that your mate would like you to fit.
My Frenchman rarely compliments me. However, he blatantly compliments everything in a skirt around me. I like my style, I know other men appreciate my style. But my man, well he prefers the style of a barbie. Go figure.
My Frenchman is treating me like we’ve been in a relationship for 5 years. When he should be still wooing me. I think he doesn’t understand the importance of nurturing something that is still developing. I think he has substituted his ex-wife of 15 years with me. Only we’ve been together 3 months.
My Frenchman criticizes me often. I’m not dressed the way he wants. I think too much. I have too much personality. I’m emotional.
My Frenchman took me out for dinner once. Now our social calendar evolves around hanging at his house, my house, or going to his friends’ houses.
My Frenchman hasn’t looked at me the same way since he came back from his vacation. Something has changed. And it is pushing me away.
The beginning of the end? Or the beginning of something new? Give time to time.**