So what is the mirror technique? It’s basically mirroring the behaviour of your man. It’s particularly useful with a Frenchman I find because you find out how into you he is.
Here’s how it works:
– He texts you. You text back.
– He calls you. You answer.
– He asks you out. You say yes.
– He offers to pay for dinner. You say thank you.
– He suggests an evening out to introduce you to his friends. You say you’d like that.
What this technique means is you do nothing. All you do is agree.
And if he doesn’t text you, call you, ask you out, or anything, you do NOTHING.
That’s right. You do not text him, call him, or ask him out. You wait for him to do it.
The reason being that with the mirror technique you find out how much he likes you. If you give him too much of a helping hand, you’ll never know. Whereas if you let him show his true motivations, you’ll see right away how into you he is.
So there it is ladies. The mirror technique. If you put it into practice, it’ll save you a lot of time. And you’ll be able to weed out the guys that you would have previously tried to have a relationship with, even though they weren’t that interested.
If you’re still not convinced, let’s look at it from another angle. Let’s face it, if you lay it all out on a platter for him, including sex, the guy’s not going to say no, even if he’s not interested. He’ll just go along with you breathing life into the relationship until something better comes along. DO NOT GO THERE.
Instead, implement the mirror technique right from the start and see what he does.
Remember, if he does nothing, you flush him. Period.
Bises,
Datea x
15 Comments
I have to say this really is a great technique.. Thanks dear!
Hope you are well and all. Lots of hugs!! =)
/Nat
Good you're following it. Do share! x
Hi Datea, this one is very useful guess it would be more obvious when time passes by.
I always get +ve energy from your blog to read through your articles.
Thank you and wish you a good day! 🙂
Bisou,
W
Hi Datea,
First, I read about your break up and I am so sorry that you had to go through it. It must have been so terrible. I am 40 yrs old single woman so I think I can relate to you in many ways.
I started reading your blog when I met my Italian Frenchman from Southern France a few months ago. Anything Italian or French was new to me and found what you write here very amusing and helpful. My Frenchman and I both work for the same startup company in Japan and it is the first time for me to date with someone at work. I had my policy of not dating with someone at work since it complicates my life. However, my Frenchman one day asked me out for a dinner and I believe it was his friendly gesture as a colleague because we both just moved to this new city and did not have any friend. We then started dining out together more frequently and he became flirtatious. It was always spontaneous since we shared the same office at the time. On our sixth dates, he kissed me and invited me to his place. I refused but I gave it up on our seventh dates anyway. Since I needed to move my office, we could no longer go out spontaneously. I missed his company so much and asked him out the following two weekends. We had a great time together as usual.
Then I had read your posting of the mirroring technique and realized he had never called me or asked me out since our office was separated. I stopped initiating anything this past month to see how he reacts to it. Still today, he does not call me during weekdays but he usually calls me on Saturday evening to see what I am doing. He buys me a dinner at nice restaurants and me spending a night at his place seems to become our routine. As you told us in one of your postings, my Frenchman also does not know how to make a plan in advance. I do not want him to think that I am sitting around and wait for his call on Saturday so I declined his offer one weekend saying that I had already made a plan even though I did not have any. He did not ask me out the following weekend. After not seeing him for two weeks, we had the great time again this past two weekends. We also had the conversation of where our relationship stands. He said that all I had to do was to clam him as he was mine so I did. He would like to take me to shoes shoppings the next time and my toothbrush is now officially at his place.
He is the most gentlemanly guy that I know in my entire life and treats me like the princess when I am with him; however, I need more of his attentions, frequent attentions, not only weekends. I understand he us putting his career on the line right now but I can not help to wonder if he thinks that a few minutes of friendly conversations at work is good enough for me. We would like to be discrete at work and can not have any private conversations. I feel it is too soon for me to confront him and I am afraid of loosing him. I also realized that he enfacised how important sex could be in a relationship several times.
Hi W,
Remember the mirroring technique is for the early stages of dating. Not when you're in a solid relationship. Good luck!
x
Hi Skyrocket,
Thanks for your comment, appreciate it 🙂 Well done on applying the mirroring technique, good for you. It's revealing huh. I think the last-minute calls on Saturday night are very French (if I can say that, obviously can't generalize). But I don't like that he doesn't call you in the week. And assumes you'll be waiting for his call Saturday. Good for you for being busy one weekend. But how did you guys end up seeing each other again the last 2 weekends after a 2-week break? Did you call him or did he call you???
Also, were you reassured when you talked about where your relationship stands? Did you get the answers you needed?
I think it's important to remember that if a guy is crazy about a woman, he will move heaven and earth to see her, even if he's super busy at work. It's also important to remember that a guy needs to know that a woman of quality isn't going to want to be a part-time girlfriend… Food for thought for you…
Obviously, I can totally understand that you don't want to confront him and risk loosing him so soon. But maybe you could casually drop in a conversation that it would be nice if you guys could hang out one day in the week “how about you text me in the week honey, would love to take you out for a drink and forget about work” and see if he does text you.
The mirroring technique seems to me like it's made for this kind of situation. If you feel strong enough, apply it fully. And then sit back and watch.
And last point, sex is important for a Frenchman. They do talk about sex quite openly, some more than others. It's what you feel comfortable with really. If he's constantly talking about it, that could be too much, but if it's now and then, just roll with it.
Keep me posted.
Bises x
Hi Skyrocket,
Nice seeing your post here and wanted to let you know you are not alone! I'm facing similar situation with my Frenchman and let's deal with the Frenchman hand in hand 🙂
I actually read many articles on the Internet about Frenchman, is it something different on the culture? And I even asked my French friends about this… Ummm,, well I think probably their nationality makes 30% while personality takes 70%.
My man is similar as yours, putting career at first place, he has been away for 3 weeks and we never talk on the phone and just few messages per week, I think the only way is to accept it or go, or when you see him do create more intimate and sweetness so he would miss you more.
Indeed you can try asking him in a nice way if u two can spend more time together. Last time after his trip I said 'babe you know I really miss you when you are away, may be we can send an update to each other at least?', he apologized and said he would do it next time, yes he did! But not the following time haha. So don't worry to ask him to fulfill what you want (but start your request in a sweet way), if he can't do it, he would say no, better than feeling sad in a corner and guessing what's going on, right?
Hope everything will be fine for you (and me)!
Cheers,
W
Thanks for your thoughtful response and I really appropriate that you took a time to give me the great suggestions.
I totally agree that he should be calling me more often. I realize I am trying to close my eyes and making excuses for him. If he was a random guy I date, I might have already dumped him. He is somehow so special for me.
Well, I think he asked me out the last two weekends??? I might had mentioned to him that I needed catch up my work on Saturday since it was so backed up. He showed up to my office to ask me out. The following weekend was that he needed someone to translate what the Japanese guy was saying so he called me to get my help but asked me out in the same time. LOL
When we talked about where our relationship stands, he said all I had to do was to claim him. He laughed and kissed me. When I told him I wanted it to be mutual, His response was “I hoped so too”. I did not understand what he was trying to say. His English is not perfect sometimes so I should have asked him more questions to understand him well but I chickened out I guess.I could be strong and assertive but I get soften when I am dealing with him 🙁 I will try to figure it out again.
He is still waiting for the company to give him a cell phone so he usually calls me from a public phone if he needed. He has the pre-paid phone which has not been refilled for a while now. He says it is too expensive. However, if he wanted to call me, he has options anyway.
Hope you are doing well Datea and getting back to the search of your Mr. Right.
Hi Skyrocket,
I think you should give it a chance. He initiated the last 2 weekends and he seems open. As you can see with his all you have to do is claim me, he is typically French, let's go with the flow and see where this leads us. At the end of the day, it's you who needs to see if this fits with what you want. But for the moment, if you're happy and enjoying yourself, give it time. Keep me posted xx
Hi W,
Totally agree with you that a man's behaviour is both to do with his nationality and personality. An accept it or go policy looks like it's the crux of it yep. You can say something, but if it doesn't stick you can't force a guy to call you when he's away. He'll end up thinking you're nag and cramping his style. Ya, tell me about it. xx
Hi W,
Thanks for sharing your story. I think my Frenchman is getting a cell phone soon so we will see how it changes him. I know it is the fact that he works until 9pm or 10pm daily but I can't stop craving more of his attentions;though I try not to show it by applying the mirroring technique 🙂
How long have you been dating with your Frenchman? When you are with him, how is he like? How does he treat you? Do you talk about marriage or having a kid?
My Frenchman wants to have a kid so much but I am not quite sure if he is interested in marriage, maybe he does. (He is not saying that he wants to have a kid with me by the way) He is a dreamer and if he finds the true love, he doesn't need to feel that he is making an effort of maintaining the relationship because he wouldn't recognize sacrifices or compromise he makes as an effort and it should come naturally. He sets the hurdle too high and questions if human kinds are meant to be together until the death separates us. I feel he needs to grow up a little and see reality but he is already 37. LOL
I think it is great that he shares with me how he feels about marriage and having kids. He asked me what I would do if I get pregnant. I told him I would keep it. When I asked him how he feels about it, he said his opinion doesn't matter because I already said I will keep it. Funny ha? He also said that his kid will be embarrassed because he/she can hear that parents are having sex next door.
I wonder why he shares those intimate things with me… he is straightforward because of his cultural background or he does that because it is me.
Hi Skyrocket,
Sounds a bit like my ex-Frenchman. The expectation that things should just happen “naturally” – he was big on that. Toward the end, he said that maybe I would get pregnant by accident one day (but I'm on the pill). In my eyes, not a great way to make plans for the future. Things don't always happen by chance, you need to plan for them and be on the same page. I think I can speak honestly about this to you – because we're the same age – if you want to have a baby, you need to be with a man who has the same life goals as you, and with you. It may be early days with this guy, but think about it. Do keep us posted.
Talk soon xx
Datea,
You and I are on the same page when it comes to having a baby and planning of future. I just met him a few months ago and I don't know him that well. Hopefully, once our relationship develops, we can talk about our future together. For now, I should give him a chance and see where it leads us.
Good news. I received a text message from him saying that he just god a phone. There is no excuse for him not to call or text me anymore. We will see how it goes. We will spend this weekend together.
Hope you are well Datea and enjoying the weekend.
Hi Skyrocket,
Hope you're enjoying your weekend with your man! I agree with you, see how the next few months go now he has a phone !
Datea xx
Hello,
your blog is a very nice and helpful idea! I've been living in France for the last 15 years, married to a Frenchman for almost 10 and then in a LDR with another one for 4 years but Frenchmen still puzzle me (I'm originally from Brazil).
So, here goes a tricky one, and advice on the subject would be very much appreciated: right after breaking up with my 4-year boyfriend I had broken heart, of course, and met in the net another very nice Frenchman. The chemistry was very good, we went out once, no sex, second time with sex but I was still very much on the last Frenchman. Third time, the same. Notice that this “candidate” lives in another town and for hip, coming and seeing me was a true effort. He was lovely and, appart from this sex part I as not ready for, I was very happy to chat with him (mostly on th phone) and he said he felt the same, in spite of his shyness. So, after the third trial he disappeared for a couple of days and then called me telling me three things: 1) I was exactly as the woman he was dreaming of when he registered in the site. 2) I was obviously not ready for a relationship because I cried sometimes with him thinking about the previous boyfriend. 3) He felt not ready neither because he still had nightmares with his ex. I was really sad and told him this, because in spite of my feeling for the previous FM, I also started developing feelings for him in a totally unexpected way. I wrote him a beautiful and romantic e mail and he never answered me back. Now, one and a half month later, he answers my e mail with another one entitle “readiness in all”. He quotes Shakespeare and says that, for him, being ready is being able to accept to be seized by the events. I replied to him telling that, indeed, I agree with him, and I accept to be seized by the events, contrary to himself and other FM that sometimes develop the illusion of controlling this feeling (you can comment on this). I then sent him some music and we exchanged some messages on music (he sent me back a song he used to listen to and feel very moved by it as a child), I replied and he did not replied me back (well it was yesterday). He definitely turned me on again but I don't know what to do…should I tell him this? What is he looking for, one and a half moth later? I had even deleted his contact from my cell phone, telling myself he was so upset that would never appear again…I don't know if what he said about him not being ready was true or not, since he was in the site for over 4 months, while I was there for 4 days when I met him..I was obviously not completely ready by then, but I honestly didn't feel him not ready before I cried and cried again, and not succeeded having sex with him properly…
If you can let me know what you think about how to proceed with this Frenchman (which I find lovely and do not want to hurt or lose again…)…Thanks a lot!