Hello readers,
Sorry for not being around the last few weeks but I’ve been hanging out with my new Frenchman. The month of May is jam packed full of long weekends in France and so we’ve been lucky in that we’ve had plenty of time to get to know each other some more.
And what can I say? He’s adorable. He makes me laugh till I cry, wants to spend as much time as humanly possible with me, is attentive, cute, kind, caring, fun, cuddly, hot, and super tall!
I didn’t think it could be so easy to be with a man. It’s natural, easy-going, there are no “What did he mean by that?” or “When am I going to see him again?” or “Why isn’t he writing back to my text?” moments. It is what it is. Which is quite simply awesome.
What’s more, because it’s so awesome, because he’s so keen, upfront and reassuring, I’m totally cool. I honestly think that some men bring out the best in us, just as some men bring out the worst in us. And with this man I feel I’m the best version of myself. My insecurities are nowhere to be seen, I have no reason to nag, no reason to feel doubtful. It’s a great place to be!
Last night he talked about the different steps in a relationship and asked me what I thought those steps were. I ran off a list I had in my head of smart steps in the right order. Then surprised myself by saying that we should just enjoy what we had and see where it took us. That things would just happen naturally and we shouldn’t stress too much about what next. Who’d have thought!
These past few weekends, we’ve had a picnic in the park, gone out for Japanese, brunch, gone to the movies, strolled through parks, cuddled on my sofa, cuddled on his sofa, made dinner together at my place and his, gone clothes shopping together, gone to the gym together, and more and more.
This morning after he left for work I found a post-it on the bathroom mirror saying:
My little angel 🙂 xxx
It’s early days but so far so good! He makes me happy and I make him happy. It’s what matters moving forward.
Bises,
Datea x
29 Comments
Your post made me smile! Good for you. We all knew you would find what you were looking for. And your post could not be more true -M
Wow he sounds amazing. I am so happy for you. How good it must feel to not have to worry or second guess yourself. Cant wait to hear more. Ohhh please do recommend some good places in Paris to eat and shop. Im planning a 2 weeks trip there in a few months. I love food and your blog.
xx
Josephine
Hello, this is Emma, I am so so so happy to read this post. What I really liked the most, that you are the best version of yourself with him. And he sounds to be so unbelievable! Enjoy it and let us know more details 😉
I love post-it notes!!!! Gah!!! Sooooo cute! I've had a rough week but this totally made me smile! Seems like the Universe have finally decided to give you an awesome beau!!! Glad you guys are making you both happy!
Yeah, I know the weather isn't a reason for him to not email me. He told me that he's been busy saving/making money and that's all he's been doing and that he's incredibly stressed. He's got an exam next month too and I'm sure that doesn't help either. 14 more weeks and then I get to see him!
I have a distraction now though. I have a non-Frenchman at the moment really into me and tonight we're going on our second date. I told him about my Frenchman and he doesn't seem to mind. Haha, I guess I'll enjoy his company in the meantime!
-Rosalie
I am so happy for you!!! That sounds awsome! We've missed you though!:) I hope all is well 🙂
I have to agree with you! I am an American dating a Frenchman in America. It is a breath of fresh air. There is not a day that goes by without hearing a new sweet pet name and I love you. No mind games or double meanings.
Thanks M 🙂
Hi Josephine – I'll write a post on restaurants and shopping soon for you 🙂
Hi Emma – Been a while, how are things with you?? Did you manage to keep Frenchman #2 in the friend zone?
Hi Rosalie – What's this about a non-Frenchman??? How was the 2nd date? I say it's great that you're keeping your options open.
Hi anonymous 1 – Thanks!
Hi anonymous 2 – Good for you for finding such a lovely Frenchman. Do come back and share 🙂
Bises x
Dear Datea, Thank you for asking. I have big problem with my two frenchmen… Better do not ask, I am completely lost. I love the first one, but I am kind of in love (or just atracted?) to second one as well. So I am becoming really bad girl as I can not choose and with time I go deeper and deeper in problems… So probably I will end up by losing them both….
Life is too good sometimes 🙂 but from me experience, frenchmen are really unbelievable in romantic relationships….
All the best xxx
Emma
Hi!
I have been following ur blog recently and i love everything about it!
I wanted to ask your opinion about this fench guy ive been dating… For almost 4 months now.we are both foreigners in the current city we are working in and met through a local dating site..
Everything has been great so far… But lately he has been really busy with work an i havent seen him for 2 weeks.. But he tells me its because of his job & i try to understand because im busy too.
He explains how hectic he is because they have a big project here.. Hes an engineer..
The thing is im getting paranoid because i have a need to control everything and he keeps saying that i need to relax. Im starting to pick a fight with him about everything yet he yields everytime and told me to just understand him..
My question is, is this relationship going the right way?i mean is he serious about me??im having doubts and im seriously frustrated.pls help!
Love lots,
K
Hi Emma – You got yourself in a bit of a sticky situation there… Question is can you be in love with 2 people at once?? Maybe you're not after a relationship right now, otherwise I'm pretty sure you'd know which guy to go with… Keep me posted on your adventures! xx
Hi K – Welcome to my blog! Let me put it bluntly – if I guy is really into you, no matter how busy he is with work, he'll find a way to see you. It's that simple. If he doesn't, you're not his priority which you totally should be! 2 weeks is ages to go without seeing each other… I don't care if he's an engineer, he could still meet you for a coffee surely. I say that what you need to do is accept if it's okay for him to treat you like that? Do you want more? If so, you know what to do. Put yourself back in control and decide what you want and what you deserve. Keep me posted! xx
Hi dateafrenchman,
First off thank u for responding :).I know our relationship is new & all that.. I dont want to appear demanding & controlling since he noticed im geting to be like that..
I want more but at the beginning of the relationship he laid down his cards saying his work is impt & its eating up his time.. I know because he usually works 7am til 11pm…
Weve been dating for 4mos… Do u think its too soon for this relationship to get serious?im kinda lost with how to handle this relationship with my french bf…hes younger than me by 3yrs..
Im getting frustrated… 🙁
Hiiiiii,
Datea: The second date went well. I think he's a cutie pie but I don't see a future with him. I guess I'm just having fun and get a distraction while I wait 'til August comes. He knows that I want to be with someone in France but he doesn't mind. Anyway, I'm just trying my best not to let my longing for the Frenchman eat me alive.
K: Is his schedule 7am-11pm every day?? How about his weekends? If he's got a big project then try to be a bit more patient and understanding. How long is this project for? Maybe send him a text and say “Hope you're having a lovely day. Wish I could give you a massage for all the stress you've been having!” If he doesn't respond to that well then there must be trouble in paradise. If he doesn't see you for a third week and you both live in the same city, then I say ditch him! There's no reason why he can't even give you a text or a call. No excuses!
OOPS, that was Rosalie.
Hello anonyme,
Thanks for responding. 🙂 not everyday but he gets to work early & finishes late.he tells me when hes really2 tired & during working hours we cant even talk.he also has rugby practice and on saturdays they have tournaments here.. This weekend he was abroad..
Im getting worried & really paranoid.i like him… A lot… But for now i can definitely say im not yet in love with him because we seldom see each other lately.. How can i learn to love him when we dont even have time?i am also busy but i always make it a point to him that u can rearrange my schedule for him.
I feel im not a priority in his life..im now thinking that since he got what he wanted from me he's lost interest. I tell him that, pick fights over it but he always explains his situation.
They have this huge project from the govt and they are following timelines and hes in charge of the structure and his bosses are pressuring him to finish on time.i met his boss btw…
I dont want to appear demanding.. But i also want to be needed & ultimately to be in love..but all i feel now is stressed & frustrated.
Am i selfish for not understanding him??or he has just lost interest?
I don't think you're selfish. I mean, it's only natural to feel neglected. I am kind of in the same boat. But for me, it's long distance. We are in two different countries and his schedule is similar to your Frenchman's. Except mine works weekends too. I just try to keep the line of communication open once a month and look forward to the next time we've planned to see each other.
I don't think he's lost interest. If he still bothers to even respond to your fights/messages, he must still like you. I think you should approach it a different way. Try to sound understanding/sweet. Or even suggest to watch him play rugby some time. Tell him you'd find him incredibly sexy watching him play. See what he says.
-Rosalie (the anonyme from before)
Hi rosalie,
Thank u so much for taking the time to respond. An update… We talked earlier and i was really in a bad mood and the feeling of being neglected was so strong… I brought it up and he poures out all his frustrations at work.. He also works during the weekend and i gave him an ultimatum.. I told him if he wouldnt give me a day this week then i dont know what will happen…
I questioned him about where do i stand in his life and he said i am his girlfriend and he apologizes about our situation..that he cant do much more at the moment because his work demands are so great. Hes asking me to understand and he will try to make time this weekend for US.
i dont know what to do, what to feel and how to handle this.i didnt respond anymore…
I dont want to lose him… But im so frustrated and depressed and i am totally lost… My insecurities are creeping in and im in a “fight or flight” situation..
If i give up i may lose an opportunity to love again… But then again i may be in for another disappointment..
Is this worth it u think? I want him…. I want ro love him but its getting difficult…
If he says he'll try to see you during the weekend, then give him a chance!! He seems really sincere. If he's busy, he's busy. If he's in his 30s, there's more of a reason to be a bit more patient because men tend to focus on their careers when they're that age! If he didn't want you, he wouldn't need to apologize and attempt to make plans with you. I think you should just do your own thing, have some fun with your friends and focus on yourself. When he messages you to hang out, just say yes.
Waiting around sucks. I know. But if it's worth it, then do it! 2 weeks not seeing him really isn't too long of a time. Hang in there!!!!! xx
-Rosalie
So happy for you Datea! What a lovely positive post!
I need you girls` advice: my French guy and I have been living together for six months and there are some trust issues. For some reason, my gut instinct is telling me I should have doubts about this guy. We had a blazing row at the weekend when I felt like he was flirting with a colleaugue of his at a party who also happens to be French. He is quite a jokey, flirtatious person anyway and I felt he was ignoring me. Like many guys, he has problems communicating his feelings and would rather “work things out alone”. I am the exact opposite and need to feel I can be open with my partner. His standoffishness makes me not want to confide in him. I am going through a hard time personally just now and it sucks to feel like I can´t confide in him. So, i´m left having to guess how he feels…..hence the lack of trust. Any advice ladies? 🙁 Annie x
Rosalie- thank you 🙂 its hard to wait its frustrating…but yes i really want this to work. Maybe french men are like this, too focused on their work .. Im trying to be patient but the need to wish for more out of our relationship is huge. He told me before to let the relatuonship take its own course.. He said we were not in a hurry & i need to relax because he feels im pressuring him and it makes it seem wrong for him.
The last relationship i had i was the one controlling it and im trying to change that.. Bad old habits die hard…
How can i make him understand my needs then? 🙁 ive been honest with him and he tells me he understands but he cant do much more for now because of his work… 🙁
Hi annie- i feel the same way..how fustrating it is. I also want to be able to talk to him about everything but these french men tend to keep to themselves. I sometimes feel my french guy is neglecting me..
Maybe we just need to be more patient?ive put a timeline for myself.. If things wouldnt get better in a few more months then maybe i need to move on.. But if its worth it as ROSALIE said then ill just have to wait and see…
Hello Datea, Hello girls, Emma here.
Annie, I think I understand you very well. If I understood correctly, in some party he was flirting with other women and ignoring you. I would get very mad, not to mention confidence issues. So you are all reasons to feel like that. As always, there is no other advice, just the same one: you need to talk to him openly about that how you feel and see if he is understanding and imroving. If he cares about you, he will put efforts to improve his behaviour and keep you happy. Flirting itself does not mean you can not trust in him. But, confidence is something to be built, and when it is not yet strong, 2 people need to work on it little bit. And you will see later what happens. All the best for you XXX
Regarding my adventures, yes, I am lost … I was in a relationship with the first one, really happy and everything was perfect. He is the most nice and kind person I met in my life.He has never been married and has no kids, he has simple job and simple life and he is happy the way he is, not too much ambitious. The second one is always near by, and I find him little bit smarter, more ambitious, transportation business owner, providing more security and vision for our future. He has a kid from previous relationship (it is not a problem for me). They both know that they exist in my life, and they both know that I am lost and I don't know what I want. I terminated the relationship with the first for this reason. I asked the time to decide, and he has given all the time I want…. I made him so much pain…I hate myself for that. I was thinking that when I say to both that I have onother man which interests and atracts me, at least one will not accept that and will leave me quitly. But no. They are french fighters… They fight, they both fight. I feel like a princess sometimes, but it is not fun at all. More they fight, more complicated it gets for me. I really start to believe I love them both, they are different but both so adorable, handsome, both doing lots of sports, both dark hair, both similar age, both tanned skin, both tall and both with dark brown eyes,both atractive, gentle, kind persons…Both treat me very well. They have different qualities and defaults, but in general picture of both is so good. So I just need to decide, but when I think about that, I am just feeling big pain …that I must lose one of them. None agrees to be friends. So I must lose 1, and that makes me very sad….
Now I try to think if the situation is like that maybe it means that actually I do not love anyone? it i smore complicated because I had sexual relationship with the first one (Very close to perfect), but not with the second one. But I can not, something stops me inside, to sleep with the second one before I decide finally to be with him… I do not want to hurt him, he will think I have chosen him, and also, I do not want to choose by just sex experience… Sex is important but not the number 1st in my life…
What a hell shall I do? May you advice pls…Thank you in advance…
Hey girls!!!
K: I think your Frenchman is looking it at a bigger picture. Men are generally terrible with details. Women generally put everything under a microscope and analyse. It's in our nature! Like I said, take some time for yourself. While he's busy with work, pick up a hobby, hang out with your friends, go shop. Do what makes YOU happy. He cannot be your only source of happiness. Leave him be for a while. If he comes back, YOU can decide whether you still want him. Put him on hold for a while and just do what you want. Who knows, maybe you'll meet some guy that's much better than him and has all the time in the world for you!
Annie: From what you tell me, it seems like your Frenchman is very independent and probably expect you to be too. Don't mention the fact that he neglected you (because he probably expects you to mingle), but maybe approach it this way… “Sometimes you're so charming and flirtacious that women might get the wrong idea. 😉 I don't need more reasons for women to be jealous of me!” Be patient, be VERY patient. At the next party, you should mingle and try to not be 'around' him that much. See if he notices. Let him have a taste of his own medicine. There are only two outcomes here: either he will be proud of you for handling yourself well or he will wonder why you were ignoring him and he might want to be around you more. Both good, yes? Hang in there!
Emma: The first guy sounds like he's good on paper but lack passion for you. The second guy sounds like it's a bit of an adventure. But I think both of them are lovable and it's hard for you to pick. But then if it's hard for you to pick then you know that you're not IN love with either of them. I think you're afraid to pick the second guy because you're scared that your relationship won't be as perfect as what you have with your first guy. I think it's kind of unfair for the first guy and it also doesn't sound like you really want to be with him. I think if you really really really love someone or in love with someone, it doesn't amtter what qualities the other guy has, you wouldn't have the eye for anybody else! And if nothing was missing, you wouldn't have to look elsewhere!
Good luck girls, that's the best advice I can give you.
I'm going through a tough time myself but I'll talk to you guys about it next time. Doesn't really have to do with my Frenchman but personal life in general.
-Rosalie
Thanks Rosalie, K and Emma for your advice. We have had many long chats and come to the conclusion that there needs to be an element of compromise. I can't expect him to open up overnight, but at the same time there has to be an open line of communication between us, especially when it comes to issues in our relationship..It's a case of logical guy meets very emotional girl but we are trying to work through it. He is very independent, as you rightly said Rosalie, and I think I need to take a few steps back and focus on myself instead of always looking for his reassurance. Thanks again ladies. Best wishes. Annie xxx
I guess you´re having too much fun with your new guy to write a post 😛 but we are all awaiting the next one…Fill us in Datea lol What´s been happening??? Annie xxx
I'm back!!! Straight to it:
K – How is it going with your man? Have you spent any time with him since your last comments? I tend to agree that you should keep yourself busy with your own stuff – shopping, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, getting a massage, etc. If a French guy is concentrating on work because he's not where he wants to be in his career, a relationship will come second unfortunately. It's up to you if you are okay with that… Can you keep busy and be okay with the fact that you only see each other every few weeks? If you're looking for something more, I would say you should keep your eyes open for someone else. That doesn't mean you need to end things with your man, just keep your options open. I would say if you're looking for love and someone who will put you first, you need someone a little older who is established in their career and is looking to dedicate real time to a relationship and settling down.
Have a think about what you want, and how soon you want it. Right now you're attached to this guy, but you're not so far in that you can't see the reality of the situation.
Do come back and let us know how it's going.
Datea x
Hi Annie – New post to come very soon! But first, let's talk about you. It's not a great feeling when you go to a party with your Frenchman and he ignores you and flirts with other women. I've been there, like I'm sure you can remember. But Frenchmen tend to be a bit clueless sometimes. They think that you can go to a party together and then they'll go off and mingle, maybe your paths will cross at some point, maybe not, and they'll flirt away as if it doesn't matter, because they'll presume you'll be doing a bit of flirting yourself, not too much mind you. There's definitely a post in there…
As far as I remember, you guys are living together, you've met his family, you guys are thinking of moving to France, you've talked about plans for the future. So you're obviously committed towards one another. Now as for communication, it's about compromise as you say. You need to meet him half way, as he needs to meet you half way. If you've agreed on that, that's a great step towards being happier. On a personal level, if you're going through some tough stuff right now, I would talk it out with your friends to not overload your Frenchman too much, because it will overload your relationship. And yes, schedule yourself some You Time. Book yourself in for a facial, go out for ice cream, buy yourself a pair of shoes – any kind of pick-me-up goes a long way.
Datea x
Hi Rosalie – I have to say, you gave some great advice in the comments! But how are things with you? Are you still on track for your summer vacation?
Datea x
Hello Emma – Your situation sounds very complicated, yet simple at the same time. I think you've built the whole thing up into such a trauma that you can't see straight anymore. Have you thought about taking some time out from both of them and seeing which one you miss most? It would be a good test…
Otherwise, if you feel like your heart is falling more for the second guy, I would end things with the first guy and give something with the second guy a real chance. But don't pressure yourself. Just go with the flow. Don't think in terms of: I preferred the first guy about so and so, I can't do this with him because he'll think this, I need to be totally sure I really like him before I do this. On the contrary, just live out your relationship, let it breathe, take its course. I think that once the first guy is out of the picture, things will just happen naturally with the second guy. I say give it a shot. And if you're still not sure, do the break thing for about 2 weeks if you can.
Good luck and let us know how things go.
Datea x
Thanks Datea! Great to see you back. So happy for you. Your guy sounds like a total sweetheart. Thanks for the advice. The communication part is really where we seem to be struggling. He is not an overly-emotional guy and prefers to work things out on his own whereas I am the opposite. I do try to talk to friends instead of always offloading onto him. He says he doesn´t understand why girls need to share private things about their relationships with each other and that some things should be kept private. However, if I feel like I can´t talk to him then I need to talk to someone. It´s a difficult one. I can´t make him into the emotional guy he is not. However, I need to feel I can be open with him. Time will tell if we can compromise… Annie xxx
Hi dateaaaaa!
Ive been on your blog back and forth for a few months already, i wanted to know how frenchmen are and found ur blog very helpful ahahah
I live in asia and i met this frenchman in an island middle of 2012, we met at a bar and he was with his friends, we were just talking together with his friend as well, but his english were really bad so we had language barrier and it was sooo funny hahaha i had to guess a lot of what he was trying to say and his other friend cant speak english at all. So we stayed in contact through facebook and he was liking my pictures from time to time, we message each other once in a while and again language barrier. 15months after the day we met he messaged me that he's coming to the island again this time his english is much better than last year and he would love for me to come to see him, coincidentally i was also going to the island for a friend's birthday at the same time he was in the island, i only told him i was going a few days before he left france, and from a month before he left france we text on whatsapp quiet intense, like everyday. he invited me to stay and hangout w his friends at the beach he was staying at, so i went there by myself to meet him and i had my own room but i could only stay for 3days. He was there with some friends (one of them is his cousin), they were all very welcoming and funny, he wasnt trying anything weird with me, we talked and laughed a lot and i really enjoyed my time with him n his friends, me and him had a long walk (4km) to the other beach, and on the 2nd night we talked and laughed till 2am because its my last night and im flying back to the capital city tomorrow night, we kissed etc and it was magical and we got closer the day after, like holding hands in a taxi. One of the best 3days in mylife.