Meet Pierre – the kind of Frenchman who likes to make a girl fall for him, while keeping his options open.
What this means is that Pierre will do all the right things, say all the right things, in a bid to call himself your boyfriend. He’ll seem really into you, you’ll feel like you’re going places – if at a pace that’s a little bit fast for your liking. He’ll likely say I love you around the 3 week mark. He’ll probably introduce you to his friends and family and ask to meet the same on your side.
But what does all this mean? Is he being sincere or is he just being French?
Obviously, it depends on the guy and your connection. But here let’s say that Pierre is just being French, and not in a good way (disclaimer: this does not apply to all French guys). Translation: he’s setting things up for success, he’s paving the way for you falling for him, he’s making sure that you want to be with him. But… he’s not quite sure himself yet.
By doing this, we could say that he’s just playing the role of your boyfriend. When he’s not necessarily feeling it. Maybe he’s also seeing other women, or maybe he’s still fooling around on an online dating site. Which is fine in the dating sense of the anglo term. To date several people at once. But not when you and Pierre quickly catapulted into what you assumed was a relationship, due to his enthusiasm, doting and words of lurve.
So what’s the explanation for this kind of behaviour you may ask. First, Pierre doesn’t want to put all his eggs in one basket. He’d much rather keep his options open. Yet, he feels the need to play the role of the perfect boyfriend. Just with more than one woman. You might say that he’s stroking his ego. That he likes for more than one woman to fall for him. Or you might say that he’s insecure and needs the attention of more than one woman.
Either way, what do you do if you find out that he’s sexting another woman? Do you confront him? Or do you let it go? That’s a big question because if you confront him, he may run a mile. But then do you want to be with a guy who’s only pretending to be the perfect boyfriend? Do you want to be with a guy who likes to string women along while he waits for the one?
Now Mathieu on the other hand, kissed you and immediately assumed you were in an exclusive relationship. He’s not seeing anyone else, you know this because he’s texting you all day every day, and you guys spend every waking moment together. You’re not quite used to being exclusive so fast but hey, you roll with it because he’s dreamy, he wants to spend time with you as often as possible, he’s making plans with you for the future. And maybe you guys live happily ever after. The end.
But Pierre… Pierre can appear to be a tricky one. Unless you see him coming. Which isn’t exactly easy when he seems exactly like Mathieu. Hmmm…
So what to do? Keep your feet on the ground. Don’t swoon right away. That doesn’t mean that you should head into dating a Frenchman thinking, “Yeah right, he does this with all the ladies.” That would be totally negative. On the contrary, just keep your wits about you. Let him do the running, say yes to his dates, let yourself be seduced, but give it time. Only time will tell you how much staying power he has.
If you catch him taking his phone in the bathroom with him, he’s suddenly only free once a week to see you, he flirts with other women at parties, he makes plans to go on vacation with his mates instead of you – these are all signs that he’s more of a Pierre than a Mathieu. The signs may be subtle but they’ll be there, over time you’ll see them.
Once he’s still Mathieu 6 months in, you have lift off.