This post is about Jane’s comment on my last post. To quickly put you in the picture, Jane met a Frenchman while on vacation. They spent just a few days together before she headed home but they hit it off and slept together. A while later, he invited her to go stay with him on his continued vacation but she turned him down as her girlfriend couldn’t go with her. But she still kept things open, saying it would be for another time. He stopped replying. A while later, he asked if she was still interested in visiting him and she said maybe.
First off, I say bravo to Jane for not jumping at his invitation to go visit him on her own. She used her common sense that it wouldn’t be smart to go visit a guy she barely knew without her girlfriend as her “wing woman”. Jane, I would also say that as you’re still not sure about going or how to treat this “relationship”, you’re still in the same mind set. Your gut is telling you something; listen to it! This story doesn’t sit right with you. So why go against your gut? If you think you’d be a booty call, you’re probably right.
Now, ladies, let’s talk about this. Being a booty call, I mean. Is that what you want? Is that how you allow yourself to be treated? If the answer is no, then don’t put yourself in that kind of a situation. I know, I know, I’ve been there too, and felt like crap afterwards. But why oh why? Of course, a guy is going to try his chances. And if you say yes, he’ll run with it. And if you say no, he may run a mile. OR, he may respect you for it. And that’s a much better alternative.
Also, let’s talk about putting yourself in dodgy situations. Do you really want to be away from home, with no friends around, with a guy you barely know, there for the sole purpose of being with a guy you barely know, with romantic dreams in your head that may not be his, with your gut already telling you before you jumped on the plane that this was a seriously bad idea? Jane, you sound like a smart woman and I think you’ve already decided you’re not going to get on that plane. You just haven’t told the guy yet. But hey, it’s not like you owe him an explanation. You could just keep saying yeah, in the next month or so and then just poof disappear. Much like he did huh.
And lastly, let’s talk about putting out. Jane put out right away with her Frenchman because she was on vacation, she got caught up in the moment and hey, it happens. But that doesn’t mean a relationship is going to stem from it. If a girl is too fragile to have sex with no strings, then she should wait. Which means dating for a while and holding off on the physical. With a Frenchman, that can be complicated, but you can at least wait a few dates. It’s called protecting oneself. On the other hand, if a girl is looking for some fun and is strong enough to handle no strings sex with no expectations, then who am I to stop her! It really depends on your mindset, what you want and how well you handle possible rejection.
As for Jane’s Frenchman, my take is that he keeps trying his chances on the off chance that she’ll say yes. Now, in a different context, perhaps they’d go see a movie together. Maybe she’d go on a couple of dates with him and figure out he wasn’t for her. Maybe she’d go on a couple of dates with him and decide she wanted to see where this went. But unfortunately, seeing him involves going to Cambodia on her own. Dating someone closer to home sounds a lot simpler, doesn’t it. Now, that doesn’t mean that vacation romances are a big no no. It just means that they should come with no expectations down the road.
Hope this has helped a bit, Jane. Do keep me posted.