Hi ladies, this post is in response to Rouge’s comment on my last post. To put you in the picture, Rouge met her Frenchman online and has just came back from meeting him in France for the first time. She chose not to stay at his place, opting for a hotel instead (smart move). During her time in France, she was understandably a bit nervous and shy, while he was forward with his affection. He’s since expressed that he thought she wasn’t into him as she didn’t come on to him. No matter, he still wants her to come back to see him again. She’s given him her availabilities and he hasn’t written back on the topic, instead focusing on telling her how stunning she is. Huh? This leaves Rouges feeling a bit confused. She’s not sure what to do next.
Ok Rouge, here goes. My take of course, on the info I have at hand. First thing that screamed out at me was that YOU emailed him the day after you got back to tell him you had a good time and wanted to see him again. No, no, no! This goes for all women out there, let HIM write you that email. Even if it takes him a few days, even if you’re pulling your hair out, agonizing over why he isn’t writing to you to say “I can’t wait to see you again” within 24 hours, WAIT. This is crucial. Why? Because it tells you how into you he is. If you do the leg work for him, you’ll never know. Rouge, next time, you need to let him take the lead.
Moving on, communication is key, especially in a situation where you were understandably nervous and shy. Being a typical Frenchman, he was very affectionate with you. And if you guys had been emailing back and forth for 8 months beforehand, he was probably super duper happy to finally be able to have you in his arms. Did you tell him you were nervous, did you tell him that you weren’t all that comfortable about kissing him in public and that’s why you didn’t kiss him? It’s good to discuss these things because you’re not from the same cultures, and you were on his turf, on your own. Anyone would have been nervous, I totally would have been, but talking about it is a good way to find out how understanding your Frenchman is. Remember, men can’t read our minds.
If we give your Frenchman the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was genuinely unsure about how you felt about him, maybe he was disappointed you didn’t kiss him (did you kiss him later btw?). Whichever way you look at it, I’m not sure a Frenchman would write non stop to a girl for 8 months with the goal of having sex. That’s a hell of a lot of work. That said, next time you’re in France, he’s invited you to his place (I’d stay at a hotel again if I were you), and when you gave him your dates, he didn’t respond. Instead he keeps sending you emails about how beautiful you are. I’m not really getting that part. You must be thinking, is he avoiding my email, did he not really mean it?
So here’s what I think you should do. I say, don’t push with checking your dates with him. Let him get back to you on that. You’re going to France anyway, so it’s not like you need his confirmation or anything. Let’s say he does get back to you, stay at a hotel again, to give yourself space to figure things out. And again, to not put yourself on a platter. Also, give things time, you’ve only been back a week, so see how your conversations pan out, keeping the same pace as before, as long as he hasn’t changed the pace. If he has changed the pace, let me know. I would, however, sooner than later, have a heart to heart with him about being nervous, quiet and shy while you were there. If he’s not understanding, would you want to see him again? And on that note, how did YOU feel about your time together? Sounds like you enjoyed yourself but did you feel like he was trying to get to know you, or more trying to get in your pants? Only you know the answer to that.
And last but not least, Rouge, you don’t need to feel bad about how things went. Forgive yourself right away and stop beating yourself up about hurting his ego. You are you. And if likes you, none of the nerves making you shy at first will matter.
Keep me posted honey.