Hands up if you’re doing any of the following with the (French)man you just started seeing:
1. You text him after dates to say you had a good time.
2. You text him first thing in the morning to say hi and check in.
3. You ask him out for dinner.
4. You ask him over for dinner.
5. You introduce him to your friends as your boyfriend.
6. You suggest a weekend away.
7. You bought you guys two tickets to a concert you want to see.
8. You invite him out for brunch at the weekend.
9. You email him with ideas of this summer’s vacation together.
10. You call him before bed to wish him goodnight.
11. You start stalking him on Facebook to know what he’s up to.
Now, hands up if he’s doing any of the following with you:
1. He doesn’t text back right away.
2. Sometimes he’s MIA for a few days.
3. He says he’s already got plans when you ask him out for dinner.
4. He says he’s tired when you ask him over for dinner.
5. He practically jumps out of his skin when you introduce him as your boyfriend.
6. He says he can’t afford a weekend away right now.
7. He doesn’t show up for that concert and you go see it on your own, crying.
8. He texts you at the last minute to cancel brunch.
9. He doesn’t respond to your email with ideas for this summer’s vacation together.
10. He doesn’t answer the phone when you call him to wish him goodnight.
11. He just deleted you from Facebook.
If anyone answers yes to a couple of these, it feels bad afterwards, doesn’t it? But when it’s happening, we convince ourselves that it’s fine to run after him a little bit, that it’s fine to be enthusiastic, that it’s fine to show we care. But really, what it comes down to is you trying to breathe life into the relationship. If you go cold turkey and stop, you know what happens? The relationship, if that’s what it was, fades away and disappears.
So why keep trying to hold onto something you alone are keeping alive? Even if you think you love someone, it’s time to let them go.
R.I.P.
Bises,
Datea x
10 Comments
I have a question about running except with the roles reversed, and maybe you have a post about this? – but I find that they are so affectionate in words and compliments that as an American, I kind of get suspicious as to whether it's sincere or not, especially if you don't a person that well. So I find myself as the runner and them being sweet. How can you tell if it's genuine when there's a culture difference? Also, is it common for them to invite you to visit them just because?
thank you:) loveeee your blog
Hi. My name is Keira & I’ve always had a soft spot for Frenchmen and an obsession with France and French culture. Long story short, I lived in France for a year in 2011 and then again in 2014 where I met this extremely handsome man at a la gare. The circumstances as to how I ended up in that town is quite a wonderful and unusual story but I think our encounter was no coincidence. He was very sweet and charming, helping me with my bags, offering to pay for my train ticket etc. We really hit it if conversationally. We have a lot in common but our differences are quite unique and fascinating. Before we parted ways, he asked for my number but my phone didn’t work in France so he asked for my email and by the time I got to my town, I already had an email from him. He was always excited to chat until he wasn’t. I thought maybe life got in th way since he has a daughter who is now in his care full time. We fell out of touch until I was ready to leave France the next year to return home. He scheduled a coffee date but then cancelled die to a medical emergency. By the evening I was on a flight back home to the Caribbean. I had kinda forgotten about him in all honesty until all of a sudden the email me last year and we started talking again where he told me her has sole custody of his daughter now. He noticed that I love to write and promised to send me a handwritten (calligraphy feather pen 17th venture style writing) letter. I never made the time to respond properly and I think he took it personal and kinda stopped talking and skyping with me until a few months ago. I told him that I want to come back to France for a vacation for a week upon which he invited to stay spend the week with him since he will also be on vacation in a touristy ville in Normandy. I really am looking forward to go because I really like him but I feel like I always jeopardize any chance we can have, he isn’t always available to respond to messages right away and then our realities are so different. 1. Does he like me as well? That’s my burning question. What shall I do about it and shall I accept his invitation to spend a week with him next year in Normandy?
HI Anonymous (please leave a name next time so I know who you are) – Glad you like my blog! Hmm, it's not good to chase a Frenchman because you'll never know how much he likes you. All he has to do is say yes and be sweet. In the early stages, it's good to use the mirroring technique to find out very quickly how into you he is. Here's a link on my blog to a previous post: http://dateafrenchman.blogspot.fr/2013/04/using-mirroring-technique-with-frenchman.html
As for Frenchmen and the value of their words, here's another post:
http://dateafrenchman.blogspot.frhttp://dateafrenchman.blogspot.fr/2012/08/the-value-of-words.html
Basically, the only way to tell if a Frenchman is sincere when there's a cultural difference is if he has staying power. Here's another post on that:
http://dateafrenchman.blogspot.fr/2013/09/a-frenchman-and-his-ego.html
As for him inviting you to visit, yep, it's just because. It means what it means: he would like you to visit him. It doesn't mean you're the one or anything on a deeper level. Not yet at least.
Bises,
Datea x
Gosh sweetheart, This made me so scared! It looks like you are dating my french guy!!! Ho, what a heartache! They make you start blogs 🙂 I started a whole new blog to write about him, and I still continue to write about him! haha They blow your mind. I think i should forward this to him , just to tell that I am NORMAL,that it's in their behaviour, the problem. I found this blog because I tuped in google how to date a french guy because I still coul dnot find a way! checkout lovelogists love encyclopedia, if you like, you will see my plight too !! ( atleast I try to laugh at it because it is impossible to convince my mr.perfect sometimes
Hi there Jahooli and thanks for coming by my blog! This post was not about my Frenchman btw, but rather horror stories from my past dating sagas with Frenchmen. Lucky for me my Frenchman is totally different. But those stories definitely left a mark on me. So I feel for you. Difference in culture is huge. And it sounds like your Frenchman thinks his way is the only way. It's hard to convince them for sure without nagging them. I guess it comes down to what you can put up with me. My exes had me pulling my hair out personally. I checked out Lovelogists and will definitely read more! Would you be interested in taking the stage on my blog and writing a blog post about your story with your Frenchman? Do let me know.
Bises,
Datea x
Hi Datea,how are you, I’ve just had some questions knowing that this is a blog based on horror stories from the past. Did you ever met a frenchman who already date so many woman and suddenly decided to stick to only one even it’s not still serious. He just want a good time and travelmate and still being friendly to other girls but he doesn’t meet them anymore? Do you think he getting serious now for being stable?
Hi Rose,
You’re talking about a player. I wouldn’t say once a player always a player, but more once a player, a lot of the time a player. Such guys can be fun to have a good time with, a quick fling, something light and casual. But if you’re after a relationship, a player can break your heart. For sure, a girl can believe she’ll be the one to change him, she’ll be the one he’ll fall in love with and drop all other prospects. It can happen. But if it doesn’t, it can really hurt. So I guess it’s about expectations and not getting your hopes up too much. If you don’t think you can handle the doubts and the hurt, then don’t go there. But if you feel you just want to explore this and you’re not taking it too much to heart, then you could go with the flow. The only way you’ll know his intentions and how he feels about you is over time – how much he texts you to get together, how he treats you, the plans he makes with you, the things he says to you, the way he makes you feel, etc.
Personally, my ex was kind of a player and when it ended, I found out he’d been checking out other women online for a while.
Bises,
Datea x
Thanks Datea, I’m so glad you still be able to response I know you’re busy since you just married. Warm greetings here from Philippines. You see maybe I was really being to naive to think that such guy has still goodness in him. Looking to the brighter side doesn’t always work. If I meet you in person I’ll ask you to slap me,so I could wake up ?
Hi Rose,
🙂 We always learn from experience. It’s good to look on the bright side, being positive is a great way to be happy through life. The thing with players is that you can’t “save” them, no matter how upbeat and positive you are.
Bises,
Datea x
I think he is a Narcissist though,lol