So… can you have an LDR with a (French)man you met online and are yet to meet in person?
Good question, huh?
– Let’s look at one LDR scenario. The good one. If you meet someone online, hit it off, and plans are feasible to see each other in person in the next month or so, then fantastic. Spending time together, hanging out, chatting, going grocery shopping, meeting friends, maybe family, all the regular everyday stuff is important to see how good a fit you are together. And if all goes well and you’re still hitting it off, it will also be the glue that holds you guys together while you’re away from each other.
That said, there have to be plans at some point to put an end to an LDR, to live in the same space as each other. Because seeing each other twice a year in person indefinitely will drive you nuts obviously.
– Now let’s look at another LDR scenario. The not so good one. You meet someone online, hit it off, but have no plans to see each other in person yet. It’s been 5 months. You text each other almost every day, you skype a bit on the weekends when he’s free and you email each other photos now and again. Despite the lack of plans, you’re telling people you’re in an LDR. But are you?
The thing is can you be in an LDR with someone you’ve never met in person? I always think that dating someone online comes with building up an image in our heads of what that person is like. And that person is tailored into our perfect version of him. Our ideal man. For sure, you’re getting snippets of his personality through your texts, skype sessions and emails. But you’re not getting the full picture. And that you can only get in person, in the flesh, in the same space, for longer than a short vacation. Personally, I find that the longer you date someone online, the more you conjure up this perfect version in your head. And when you finally meet him, it can be a disappointment. So basically, the sooner you meet someone in the flesh, the better. That way you find out for real if you guys want to make a commitment to go down the LDR road.
But… I hear you… what if it’s not possible to meet right away? What if you have to wait? Then wait you must. But there have to be plans to meet somewhere along the line. Because otherwise you’re just having a virtual relationship with someone you’ve partially imagined in your head.
But let’s say you’re tired of waiting. Another month goes by and you still have no plans to meet apart from him vaguely mentioning that he’s going on vacation with some friends and that you’d almost be in the same time zone. Or maybe another month goes by and he’s not as free as he used to be on skype. What do you do?
I know it’s hard but you need to look at the facts. An LDR with someone you’ve never met and who you have no plans to meet is not an LDR. Maybe plans are not feasible, maybe plans are not being invested in, or maybe plans are being put on the back burner.
It’s a reality in today’s world that guys are shopping around for options. And online dating feeds you feeling like you’re part of a catalogue. Awful, I know, I’ve been there. Living in a different country to the man you’re online dating only adds to the frustration because you’re not there in person. There’s not that immediacy of finding out if you click, of falling for each other, of blowing all those other options out of the water. Instead, you’re stuck with distance. And distance is tough when it stays just that, distance.
So to all my readers out there who are having a virtual LDR with someone they’re yet to meet, it’s time to take your power back. If it’s been 5 or so months that you’ve been in contact and there are no plans to meet (let him make the plans), then it’s up to you to review if that’s acceptable to you or not. If it’s not, then you can casually drop a suggestion into a convo and see how he reacts. Or you can just walk away.