In my analytics, this search comes up time and time again: Frenchmen and sex on first dates.
Okay, I’ll go through this one more time for new readers. If you’re on a first date with a Frenchman, his goal may well be to have sex with you. On the first date. Let’s say because he likes you and wants to express this physically and… well, all right, because he’s horny.
However, you don’t have to have sex with him. Just because he bought you a nice dinner and whispered poetry in your ear, doesn’t mean you have to take things to the bedroom.
Oh really? Well, yes. He may make you swoon but you can wait a little. To build anticipation and hook him. But also to protect your heart.
If you want to throw caution to the wind, sure go ahead and sleep with the guy. But he may not call you afterwards. This could be because:
a) he wasn’t that interested, he just wanted sex
b) he’s not after a relationship
c) the sex wasn’t good
d) you didn’t send the right message by sleeping with him on the first date (this last one is a mind boggler, I know)
Now, if you can take the possibility of rejection, I would say go for it if you’re just as horny as him. But if you’re a wee bit sensitive and you’re looking for a relationship, then take the slow train to sex. Hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride there…
Bises,
Datea x
24 Comments
In my experience sex on the first date with a french guy never worked out ! The nice guys that end up sticking around it's more like a kiss on the first date, then sex on the second or third date. I find it pretty easy to avoid the risk by going on dates during the day, having something else to go to in the evening and certainly avoiding going to each other's apartments !
I have another question ! It's getting old meeting guys online, I'd really like to meet guys offline ! But I haven't had much luck, only one offline hookup in 5 years in France, and he was a total loser ! …. I think I'm not very approachable offline. Like many girls I get comments on the street but that just upsets and scares me, am I supposed to stop and chat with these guys ? And I find the french impossible for striking up idle chat when out and about ! I work in fashion, have almost no single friends, and am in my mid-30's, I don't meet single guys my age really ever ! What do you think I can do ?
Hello Anonymous (remember to leave a name next time) – I agree, a relationship is much harder to develop from sex on a first date. As for your question, first of all it's an excellent question. It's pretty damn hard to meet single guys in France when you're in your 30s. Because they're often already in a couple and they stick to their friend groups. The latter is probably why your idle chatting when out and about isn't working. For solutions, responding to guys on the street is not a good idea for sure. I would say online (a site you pay for) although I know you want to meet guys offline 🙂 Otherwise, speed dating, saying yes to invitations to parties, joining an activity group. How about a cooking class where you cook and eat together? There's one in the 11th I walked past the other day – cook & go. It's tough offline I know. Because there's no guarantee there will be guys there or that they will be single.
Do come back and keep me posted.
Bises,
Datea x
Oh thanks for your help ! I'm Ginny btw 🙂 I haven't found speed dating in Paris, outside of expat circles which I'd like to get out of, do you know of something ? Yes I've thought about finding group activity to do with others, hiking, photography, etc… I often go to coworking spaces or Starbucks, but no one seems to ever look up from their computers/phones etc… It is easy to meet online but I seem to be repeatedly meeting guys that are relationship avoidant, guess it's more their age if they're successful and interesting it's because they haven't put any time into having relationships. ug. anyways thanks !
Hi Ginny – There's softdating.com but it's not great unless you fall upon a great group I guess. Yeah, co-working spaces and Starbucks can't be easy to strike up a convo. It just doesn't happen that way. I'd say try a group and streamline more online. Don't meet up with guys too fast, get to know them a bit more online first to check how much effort they're willing to make. Remember, you don't need lots of guys, you just need the right one.
Bises,
Datea x
Hi Datea! I have an idea for a blog post. What about asking your readers how they met their frenchman? It seems like many readers are curious on how to meet up with a guy, especially french guys. Would be great to hear more experiences! X
Ok great i signed up for a soft dating event, sounds perfect 🙂 I do screen well online, I'd like to meet offline to leave more to chance as I think I'm just picking guys who are more interested in everything but relationships ! I'm not sure the not meeting to fast works, as one guy “pursued” me online for more than a month, and turned out he wasn't looking for a relationship either. They think they are ! but intimacy with a girl is a scary thing for these guys that are happy living alone with their fulfilling jobs and circle of friends. The search continues !!
I've been texting a frenchie for a week. He has been living in Ca for a year. He also said he has only kissed one American girl. We met yesterday for coffee, he said I was charming and we are going to a movie tonight. Thank you so much for your blog, without it I would be very standoffish because of the games American guys play.
This guy already says he likes me and wants to hug and kiss me. He already put “seeing someone” on his profile. Is this for real? Can I really assume we are in a relationship if we kiss tonight?
Nevermind. He totally cancelled after he was an hour late. Guess he's been in the Valley too long lol
Hi Ginny – Let me know how the soft dating goes. I know what you're talking about when you say for some men it's all about the chase and they're happy enough with their jobs and friends and the occasional fling. I'd say don't give up on online dating. If you know you tend to pick guys interested in everything but a relationship, how about you try and break the pattern. By picking a guy out of your comfort zone. Someone that's different from your type. Do come back and let me know you're getting on.
Bises,
Datea x
Hi Anne – Great idea! Blog post coming up.
Bises,
Datea x
Hello Kamala – I'm curious, did he reschedule? If he contacted you I'd give him another chance. If he doesn't though, you're right, that's that. Seems strange though, because he seemed into you.
Do come back and let me know if there's more to this story.
Bises,
Datea x
Not at the time. He said he was tired and wouldn't be good company. Then texted good night early But started early with the “good morning sunshine” and asked if we could meet up today. He doesn't make set plans tho. I like to set a time and an activity. He is very loose with things, I will be having a meeting near his work at 6 so he asked if we could meet up before. He said “let me know when you get close. Lol I want to pepper him with questions. “What time do you get off? Where do you what to meet? What do you want to do?” I'm too much. And I'm still irritated from his blow off last night.
Hi Kamala – Unfortunately, Frenchmen don't let to make set plans for dates. It's definitely more of a go with the flow deal. Asking him all your questions will probably annoy him because it's not the way he operates. If I were you, if you're interested, give him a break for last night. Maybe he was just tired and was being honest. See what happens tonight and take it from there. But I'd drop talking about why he cancelled. Be upbeat, positive, flirty, fun and enjoy yourself!
Bises,
Datea x
Ok I went on a lunch date with him today. We get along fine and there is a mutual attraction. He even gave me a little kiss. I did ask him about his “seeing someone” status on the dating site and he said he is living with his ex girlfriend that he was only with a few months and they have been broken up a few months. They sleep in separate rooms. This is a little confusing and I want to ask questions but I read that French guys stay friends with their exs and it's not a big deal. So should I just trust it or ask for more details?
Hi Kamala – Is he planning on moving out or are he and his ex planning on staying flatmates? Yes, French guys tend to stay friends with their exes but living with them is taking it a bit far. I guess I'd be wondering if they were friends with benefits. Lots of questions here but if you grill him he'll probably get annoyed by your probing when you've just met. I'd say give it time, see how much you like each other, and if you guys really hit it off, he should initiate moving out because it will get weird. Imagine you sleep over and the ex is in the next room, awkward. At that point, you could perhaps flippantly say something flirty about him getting his own space. But it should come from him. Unless of course he's one of those guys who goes from girlfriend's apt to girlfriend's apt and never gets his own place. Only time will tell. And of course how much you feel you trust him. And how much your potential insecurities can take.
Don't forget to read my last post about one of your questions.
Bises,
Datea x
Hi there. First, thank you so much for sharing your experience with your french men. I am now seeing a French man too, can you please give me some advice?
I met him in a bar, we exchanged numbers and he asked me to dinner the next day. I must say, I got a big hit. He was so caring, so sweet. Well, then I made a mistake, we kissed and cuddled a lot during that first date, which now I know after reading your blog is a sign that he wants sex. But I said no when he asked me to come to his place.
I by chance then discovered that he was seeing many other girls at the same time. This is when I made the second mistake: I told him I was upset to know that. He texted me, explaining that those girls are just friends, he dont date them, and there was no kiss nor sex.
So now our relationship is coming to the point that he wants sex. This is going to be just one week after we meet. Should I delay having sex with him? I wonder if he is just playing around with me to have sex, or does he want to hang out more so that we know more about each other. What should I do to delay having sex with him, because I don't want to turn the relationship into a no-string-attach kind of relationship?
Thank you very much
Anne
I have date with a french man and we make love at first date and now he said he want to marry me. We always talk FaceTime and exchanges message. He also introduced me to his friends. Is his intention is for real.
Hello Anne,
It sounds like he’s totally carried away. Only time will tell how much he means what he says. Right now it’s way too early to think his intentions are real. He’s feeling what he’s saying in the moment, but will he still feel that way 6 months from now? I say enjoy and see how things develop!
Bises,
Datea x
I met this Frenchman in an online dating app. We clicked and after few days he asked me out for a date. We kissed on our first date and got a lil horny. He said that he would love to have sex but won’t like to give an impression that he is after for that. Days after he left for a 3 day-vacation but remains to contact me. I didn’t want to be the clingy one so I don’t message him that often. I wanted him to have fun. During his short vacation he messaged me that he wanted to see me before leaving for France (we are working abroad and he will come home to France for the holidays). So we did eventually meet and sex happened. More and more sex. He said he wanted to know more about me and that he is happy with me. He even made plans when he comes back we would hang out and all. He’s leaving the day after. But it seems like it has been 2 days already that I haven’t heard from him. He didn’t message me. What should I do? Is he really that into me? Or he was just overwhelmed on the moment that made him say those things? I’m trying the mirror thing. I like him but I’m controlling my feelings cause I don’t want to be hurt again.
Hi Kylie,
You’re doing the right thing by using the mirror technique. The only way you’ll know if he’s into you is to wait. So don’t call or text. Do nothing. And if he does call, pick up, if he does text, text back. If you feel yourself wanting to text him late one night, turn your phone off or call a friend. Remember, it’s for a good cause, because if he’s not that into you, you’ll just be making it easier for him to hook up with you again or keep you on the back burner, and it sounds like you’re more after a relationship. Let me know how it goes.
Bises,
Datea x
Been reading your blog since-I-kinda dating this French man. By the way, he texted me saying he was thinking about me. He’s not kind of a texter cause according to him, he usually wants a personal conversation than thru text messages. When we exchange messages it won’t take long and I often ran out of topics to discuss. I’m a talker but when it comes to some people I like I tend to shut off. Help! Any advice for him to be interested of me? He didn’t reply now
Hi again Kylie,
Like I said, I think the mirror technique is best here. If he’s not a texter, then he can always call or skype. But the suggestion should come from him. As should plans to meet up when he gets back from France. Other than that, just be yourself, flirt, have fun, enjoy yourself. If he’s interested, you’ll know.
Bises,
Datea x
Hello there. I met a French guy online and then he ask me to meet him. He wanted me to come over to his place (watching movie ,etc), but he seems also comfortable if we go to have some coffee first as I asked. Does that mean he wants sex if he invited me to come over with him? And what should I do if he wants sex (deny or accept)? I am fine with sex on a first date with him but I’m worrying that it might make he feels that I’m too easy and he will get bored of me soon.
And one more thing that I wanted to ask is that what are the signs that he likes me and wants to go further to a serious relationship after the first date (with sex/ without sex)?
Thank you for all of your answers!
Hi, so i went on a date with a french man this past weekend. We met via bumble and we had sex. That next morning, he was very sweet and texted me songs and such, and I texted him ‘thank you for the night, i had a good time and i hope you did too’. he responded ‘yeah i had a good time too :)’. i haven’t texted back in two days and don’t know what to say because i would like for him to ask me out again without seeming too desperate. how do i know if he wants to meet again? i am hoping that he didn’t see our evening as just a one-time hookup. thank you!