This post is a special request from Rose. Thanks for the suggestion, Rose!
Let’s say that you’ve decided that your Frenchman isn’t for you. He may be a guy you just had one date with or a couple of dates. Or you may have been seeing each other a few weeks or a few months. Whatever it is, you’ve decided you want to put an end to it. So how do you go about it?
The thing is, a Frenchman doesn’t always take rejection the way you’d think. The anglophone way of being evasive or simply hinting at The End will get you nowhere. In other words, your Frenchman will keep on texting you and asking you out for drinks as if nothing happened. Even if you get annoyed at his pestering and come out with a plain, simple “It’s over,” those texts may still keep on coming.
Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about:
- A clear “No” rejection may be taken as “maybe, try and convince me.”
- An evasive rejection of “I’m not free tonight or the rest of the week” may be responded to with a “How about next week?”
- A hinted at rejection of “It’s just that I’m not sure I’m in the right space for anything right now” may be welcomed as a challenge.
So what should you do?
The solution is to write down what you want to say. Keep it short and firm. Say it out loud and see how it sounds. Do you believe what you’re saying? If you don’t, make changes as necessary. Once you’re happy with the result, either send a text message, make a call, or say it in person – whatever is appropriate for the amount of time you guys were together.
So what does a post-5-dates text rejection sound like?
Step 1 – Start with the rejection:
“I’m sorry but I’d like us to stop seeing each other.”
Step 2 – Then move on to why:
“I need to focus on my career for the next couple of years.”
Step 3 – Sound kind by adding in how you feel:
“I feel like it would be unfair to you to keep going when I don’t have time.”
Step 4 – Wrap it up:
“I hope you understand. I wish you all the best.”
As you can see, the above steps are polite and final. Remember, your rejection doesn’t have to be 100% honest. Especially if you’ve just had 5 dates.
Moving forward, 3 outcomes are possible:
1) Your Frenchman acts like it’s no big deal and drops off your radar permanently, even if he seemed like he was full on in love.
2) He acts like a sad puppy dog.
3) He’s like a brick wall, what you’re saying doesn’t appear to be registering with him.
If 1) happens, hurray! If 2) happens, do NOT succumb to his sappy pleading texts. Instead, repeat the 4 steps again. And if 3) happens, your Frenchman will probably text you as usual in a few days to ask you out for drinks. Again, you’ll no doubt have to repeat the 4 steps because they’re obviously not clear. The idea is to not stray from your original rejection. Stay firm and keep it short.
Be warned: If you show any signs of weakness or of changing your mind, your Frenchman will take it as a green light to stick around. So please, don’t have a 2-hour long heart to heart on the phone, don’t keep writing back to his texts to limply justify your decision. Just stick to the plan. If you’re clear in your head that you definitely want to end things, this shouldn’t be a problem.
If you just can’t shake him and you’ve already repeated the above steps more than once already, you’ve got yourself a hanger-on. First, don’t panic. Second, you may have to be more explicit. Here are some text examples, increasing in degree of explicitness as time goes on:
- It’s not going to work between us.
- I don’t want to see you anymore.
- Please don’t contact me again.
Tip: Always keep it polite, stay calm and don’t engage.
Once your hanger-on has finally got the message, cut off all contact. None of this business of being friends or checking in now and then. Delete his number or it may be useful to save him in your phone as “Do not answer”. That way if he calls you in a year, you know not to answer.